My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
