I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
