Michael Bay diarrhea
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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