There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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