guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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