well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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