"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
