True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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