I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
