Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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