Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my fart just growled at me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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