fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
