what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
