Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
