My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
