When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
