I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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