Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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