hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
