oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
