Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
