I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
