Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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