My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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