I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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