Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
