Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
