You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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