I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
