i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't put those talents on a resume
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
