Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
