I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
