You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
