when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My balls are so social today.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
