I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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