At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
