My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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