I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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