Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
