Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
