i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
