that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
