he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
