fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
