just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
