She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
whose parrot is this?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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