she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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