she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
