Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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