can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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