Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In other news, I just burned my penis
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
