On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
