i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
