# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
