My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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