im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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