I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
