This show inspires me to have sex in space
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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