i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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