Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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