You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
