I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
