Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
