I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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