And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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