I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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