Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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